I keep telling myself to wait to write another blog when I'm clear headed, but as long as I wait on that, I'm never gonna do it. Simply because I never quite feel as clear headed as I would like.
It's always something going on in my life, so I might as well just start documenting the craziness. I mean, who's life ISN'T crazy? Especially when you feel like you literally have nothing figured out.
Now, when I say that, what I really mean is, as far as my life has been going, I can honestly say that...I don't know what that fuck I'm doing.
When I was in high school, I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to do everything "the right way" and I was always concerned with the fact that I feel like I SHOULD know what I'm doing. I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I don't. I don't have a fucking clue. lol.
There are only a few things that I know for sure.
I am in love with an amazing man whom I would not trade for the world.
And I have specific passions in which I want to focus my life on.
Some people might frown upon my life decisions. I get the feeling that my high school principal wouldn't enjoy hearing that one of her "ivy-league material" students gave everything up all for what seems like nothing. But it's not nothing. There's nothing wrong with a low income job, someone has to do it. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to spend your life with someone.
I won't lie, sometimes I have to remind myself of this. Because I wonder how people are going to look at me down the road. I wonder if I'm going to be poor all my life. I have my doubts, but what matters is, this is my life. Other people can frown on it all they want. They can think they're better than me and think that I'm just some lazy stoner, or they can respect me enough not to judge me and know that there's something else real behind my eyes that I desire and I live it every day.
Right now I am a bit thrown off of a routine (sleep schedule, eating schedule, income changing), but I've identified that it is time to set my foot down and get serious about getting my dreams back on course.
So right now, I'm going to go repaint my nails and spend some time with my love.
Until then,
Bunnielight
